Dispatch #3. June 2022.

Medicine don’t do you no good if you don’t take it. Warmth don’t do you no good if you’re standin’ too far away from the fire. A coat don’t do you no good out in the freezin’ cold if you ain’t got it on! Love and praise and validation, whether from God Almighty, or just a friend, won’t do you no good at all, if you don’t let it in! Youll never experience the joy and benefit of a gift, if you don’t first hold out your hands t’ receive it, and then open it, and then use it, and enjoy it, and most importantly believe that you’re worthy of that gift.”

That morsel of wisdom is courtesy of my inner cowboy, who is always riding herd with me, and always eager to offer his simplistic observations and words of advice. (Whether I ask him to or not.)

I am reflecting on last night. I performed for eight fellow veterans and one group leader, an audience of nine. I keep in mind that I was not the headliner of last nights show. I was not even the opening act. It wasn’t even really a show. I’ll explain.

These veterans come here to freedom ranch for a feast! A feast of flyfishing. Afeast of enjoying nature. A feast of enjoying each others camaraderie and stories. A feast of fellowship. A feast of healing.

I keep in mind that I am not even a side dish at this feast, perhaps a condiment. Perhaps I add a little bit of sweetness, or a little bit of spice, perhaps a special flavor.

But I am not even sure about that. I’m a guest.

But regardless ,I think each one of us brings something to this feast.

Just being in this spectacularly beautiful setting out in nature is healing. Watching the silent big hole river flowing through the valley is healing. Weather standing in the river, or gliding silently down the river in a boat while fly fishing, is healing. But I believe what is the most healing, is souls touching souls. Human connections. Telling your story and being heard. Without that this program would not exist. It would have no soul. It would just be a group of people enjoying nature.

But each one of these veterans brings a main dish to this feast. A main dish of service, unbelievable experiences, trauma, recovery, successes and failures, and secrets to survival, Secrets to thriving and growth and healing. They bring these main dishes and willingly share them. And we all benefit.

The difference is, that I do not belong to any local chapter of project healing waters. The difference is that I bring my main dish in a different type of container, wrapped in music, and Story, and song.

No one is more or less important at this feast. No one’s dish is more special. No one is the opening act or the main act. none of us are acting. We’re all trying to be real. We’re all trying to show our vulnerability.We all contribute. We all participate. We all benefit. We all leave feeling full, satisfied. We all leave feeling better, feeling improved, feeling more connected to each other and to our own soul.

After my offering of songs and stories, it was time for dessert. An older veteran, my age of 74 and also a Vietnam veteran, asked a couple of the younger veterans to tell a little bit about their experience. Younger defined as early 50s.

Because of my difficulty hearing, I missed a lot, but I got the gist of what was said. What I missed in words, I understood in voice tone, in the difficulty they had talking about certain things,and of course it is always easy to understand tears.

One veteran, while stationed in Germany was going through gas mask recertification. Part of the training was taking off your mask, clearing it, and then putting it back on. I remember this from basic training, it can be pretty scary. You’re actually doing this in a chamber where there is some real gas present. I am not clear on exactly what went wrong, perhaps too much gas, or a faulty mask, but regardless of those details, this veteran passed out and fell on his face.

There were years of neurological disorders. Shaking arms, and a shaking head. Later he had a stroke. Another layer of severe trauma.Years of unbelievable recovery.Years of inconceivable choices every day: to give up or keep going. To stay depressed and in a dark hole, or to begin the hard work of climbing out.

He used his words to paint an unbelievable picture, and to share it with us. Actually more like watching a movie of his life. A full length movie of how his life started pretty much like everybody else’s, then what happened to him so g the way , and then the road to recovery , to where he ended up. Right there in a chair beside me, telling us his story. Unbelievable!

An older veteran I would guess late 60s commented on what the younger guy said. Validated his story. With great emotion and sincerity he said, “you are a hero.“ The younger veteran adamantly shook his head in the negative. I am sure that each of us put our own twist on what he was thinking and feeling and saying without words.

“ no way! Not me! I am far from being a hero, I don’t even come close to fitting that definition.“ In short, he strongly rejected the notion that he was a hero.

He was given a gift, and could not accept it. He could not let it in. He couldn’t unwrap it and benefit from what was inside. He couldn’t swallow it. Someone offered him a coat out in the cold and he couldn’t put it on. Somebody offered him a place by the warm fire, and he stood back shivering.

But of course it’s not as simple as that. It’s hard! It’s a tough issue! I was not inside his skin. I am sure that those kind words from a fellow veteran saying that he was a hero, didn’t have a positive affect.

We’ve all been in those situations, on both sides of the fence. We have all felt perhaps hurt at times, when our efforts were not recognized, when our compliments or gifts were not accepted. We have all experience doing something nice for somebody and then having them say, “you didn’t need to do that.”Or paid someone a compliment only to have them not be able to accept it, or to act uncomfortable, or outright tell you that you are mistaken in what you see in them..

And we have all had the shoe on the other foot. We’ve all been made to feel uncomfortable by someone else’s praise or flattery, or compliments. We have all felt at times that we don’t measure up to how somebody else sees us.

It is one of those paradoxes of life where both things are true. How someone views us is real and valid and true for that person. How unworthy the recipient of a compliment feels, how much they may disagree with someone else’s perception, is also very real. The veteran who said you are a hero, was speaking his truth. To that older veteran, the younger veteran was a hero. (I happened to be feeling the very same ex thing)The younger veteran did not feel like a hero. That was real and true for him.

How does one accept a gift graciously. How does one accept a compliment or someone else’s perception without seeming vain or proud or arrogant. How does one let it in, feel the healing power of how someone else perceives us, even though we may not agree.

I believe by letting it in, we more and more become that beautiful self that other people see in us. By letting it in we grow into it. We don’t grow into what other people think of us, we actually grow into our true potential! Other people are not making up something that is not there, they are merely reminding us of some thing that already exists.

Like anything else it is a skill we can learn. We can say, “thank you, that means a lot to me. I don’t see myself that way but I am touched that you do.” Or something to that effect.

Then we can allow ourselves to begin to entertain the notion that perhaps others also see us as heroes, that perhaps there is a part of us that is a hero, that has done or is doing heroic things. Then like a small seed , that hero grows, and expands, and touches more lives.

Yes, we do not want to be constantly affected or base our self image on other people’s feedback, negative or positive. But we can benefit by listening,by pondering and entertaining the notion that there may be some truth to what is being said, and then learning from it. If there is some truth to someone’s negative opinion of us we can use it in a positive way to grow. If there is some truth to someone’s compliments or positive perception of us, we also can use that to grow. We can learn the skill of sincerely saying thank you to both.

So tonight I think I will talk a little bit about this. I have the perfect song. And then I will invite this young veteran to let in the possibility that not only might others perceive him as a hero, but that there just might actually be a hero within him, if only in its infant stages.

The old cowboy again….

“ Listen here son. Medicine Ain’t gonna do you no good if you don’t take it when it’s offered to ya.A seed ain’t got a chance of growing unless you let it take a hold and water it. That baby hero ain’t gonna grow up into no full grown hero ‘less you notice ‘him , an’ nurture him , an’ feed him , an’ believe in him. If you don’t, sure as hell ain’t no one else gonna”